


Getting It

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-09
Updated: 2006-04-09
Packaged: 2019-02-02 17:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Following the events of Avatar, Jack needs for Daniel to understand a few things.





	Getting It

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

Daniel doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset. I tried telling him that I felt he and Carter should have given me *all* the details before I made a decision. I am, after all, a general and the CO of one of the most highly guarded secrets in military history. I make decisions that have the very real possibility of costing someone their life, that’s not something I take lightly. In order to make my decisions, I have to have all the pertinent information. 

Carter gets it, at least she does now. I called her into my office and in no uncertain terms let her know that it’s her responsibility to keep me fully informed. I count on her to be my eyes and ears when I’m not there. She’s the new leader of SG1 and their safety is her responsibility. If there is any, and I mean any chance what-so-damn ever that one of them could possibly come under fire, I need to know. And if there’s even the slightest, most miniscule chance that Teal’c could conceivably have shot Daniel, or vise versa… then I *really* needed to know. 

Not that it would have changed anything. I would have still allowed Daniel to do it. Logically, and whether I like it or not, he was the best choice. The difference would have been that maybe, just maybe, we could have devised a strategy that would have allowed him to approach Teal’c without getting himself killed. If I would have known, I could at least have warned Daniel that Teal’c would probably *not* welcome him with open arms, considering that as far as Teal’c knew, Daniel was a Gou’ald! 

Seeing Daniel shot, seeing him *die* at the hands of Teal’c, was something that I never wanted to experience, much less watch over and over. Unfortunately, I did. Again and again, I watched as Teal’c killed Daniel. I watched Daniel’s body convulse in agony, jerking as his brain sent the message that he'd been shot. Each time he died, I was unable to help, to offer any ideas. I was unprepared and because of that, someone did “die”. Daniel died. Again. 

I realize it wasn’t real, but it could have been. The game already had Teal’c trapped, we knew there was a possibility of Daniel becoming trapped as well. I should have been told. Carter now understands that by withholding that little bit of information, I was caught off guard unnecessarily. She understands the gravity of that. Daniel still doesn’t.

Which is why I currently find myself sitting in my truck, in Daniel’s driveway at 0210 on a Thursday morning. I can’t shake the image of Daniel dying. I tried to sleep but every time I managed to drift off, the dreams would start and I would see it happening all over again. Daniel calling out to Teal’c and then watching helplessly, as Teal’c calmly aimed his weapon at him and pulled the trigger. Seeing the look of confusion on Daniel’s face as the bullets ripped into his chest. Seeing him fall against the wall and slowly slide to the floor, the blood seeping between his fingers, soaking his t-shirt as it pumped out of his body. And then, the game would reset and Teal’c would shoot him again. After waking up in a cold sweat for the fourth time, I finally gave up and decided that I had to make Daniel understand that this was one nightmare that could have possibly been avoided.

The only problem is, the lights are all off in his house, so he’s probably sleeping. Of course he’s sleeping… Doc Carmichael gave him the good stuff. Said he was still riding an adrenaline high, that his blood pressure and heart rate were elevated and that he needed to rest. So he prescribed a sedative for Daniel and ordered an airman to drive him home. Carmichael may not have been here for very long, but he obviously knows the only way Daniel will ‘take it easy’ is if he’s asleep. So I’m just sitting here, fingering the key he gave me to use in case of an emergency and wondering about the best way to approach this. 

Deciding that there really is no time like the present, I exit my truck and head for Daniel’s front door. I try knocking first but when that goes unheeded, I use the key and let myself into his home. 

“Daniel?” I call just above a whisper as I poke my head around the door. I continue calling him as I make my way down his hallway. I turn the light on so that, one, I don’t break my neck trying to navigate Daniel’s narrow hallway and two, so I don’t break something on one of the shelves lining his very narrow hallway. My calls continue to go unanswered and I find myself standing in his bedroom doorway. He’s lying on his back, the comforter pushed down to his waist, one foot sticking out of the covers and his arms up over his head. For a moment I hold my breath as I stare at his chest to make sure it’s rising and falling like it should, while once again images of him clutching his chest and sinking to the ground flash through my mind. Shaking my head to clear the disturbing thoughts, I walk over to where he’s sleeping. 

I’m about three feet from his bed when he starts to stir, his face scrunches up and a soft grunt escapes his lips. It takes me all of five seconds to realize that Daniel is having nightmares as well, and I can pretty much guess what they’re about. I’m beside him in one stride and just as I reach out my hand to touch him, his eyes pop open and he grabs my wrist.

“Shit!” I yell, jumping back and snatching my arm away from his powerful grip.

“Jack?” he asks with a hint of confusion in his voice.

“Yeah, it’s me, who else did you think it was?” I answer a little harsher than I intended, but hey! He scared the shit outta me.

Daniel sits up in bed and scrubs a hand rapidly across his face and then with an exasperated sigh, he asks, “What the hell are you doing here?”

It takes me a moment to realize that he’s actually a little pissed that I’m standing in the middle of his bedroom in the early morning hours. It takes another moment to realize that *I* really don’t care if he’s pissed.

“We need to talk,” I tell him. “Get up.” 

“Excuse me?” he asks just as I’m turning to go make coffee. “You come into my house at--” He puts his glasses on and looks at the bedside clock, “—2:25 in the morning and you order me to get up?” He pauses for a moment and looks directly at me, his face a mixture of surprise, sleepiness and stubborn refusal. “No,” he says calmly.

“No?” I ask

“No,” he repeats, “I am not getting up. We,” he motions between us with a waving of his hand, “are not talking tonight. You’re going home.” He looks at me, I stare at him with one eyebrow cocked. He rolls his eyes as he realizes that I am most definitely *not* going home and adds, “Okay, don’t go home, the couch is a bit small but you sleep all curled up anyway… have at it. Good night, Jack.” With that he yawns, lies back down, turns over on his side and tries to pretend he’s asleep.

There’s only one problem with his performance, he’s strung too tightly to go back to sleep, even with the drugs Carmichael gave him. I stand there looking at his back and watch the way he’s trying to rock himself to sleep, one foot hanging off the bed and moving back and forth to a rhythm only he can understand or hear. Deciding to take the bull by the horns, I tell him, “I know you’re not sleeping, and I’m not leaving till we talk.”

The rocking increases, but he stubbornly refuses to turn back over. Running a hand through my hair in frustration, I sigh and plop down on the bed beside him, my hand automatically going to his shoulder to try and still the constant rocking. “You’re not the only one having nightmares, ya know?”

I’m not sure if my hand did the trick or if it was my statement because suddenly Daniel goes very still. Then in a very quiet whisper, his voice barely audible, he asks, “You’re having nightmares?”

“Hell, yes!” I say much louder than I meant to, and he responds by throwing the covers off and sitting on the opposite side of the bed, his back to me.

“Is that why you’re here, Jack, because you couldn’t sleep?”

“Well apparently I’m not the only one,” I say as I stare at his back.

“For your information, I was sleeping just fine till you showed up.”

Okay, that’s a lie and we both know it, and probably the reason why he won’t turn around.

“Bullshit, Daniel,” I whisper angrily. 

That does it. He stands, turns around and stares intently at me. Thanks to the light from the hallway I can see him clearly and I watch as several different emotions play across his face. I’m not real sure what he sees on mine, but suddenly he’s around the bed and in front of me, concern shining from his eyes.

“Okay, Jack, we’ll talk, but first I need coffee.” He pats my shoulder and leaves the bedroom, leaving me sitting on the edge of his bed in the now empty room. I blink a few times and when I can finally get my feet to obey my brain, I follow Daniel into the kitchen.

By the time I get there, he’s already got the coffee going and he’s putting two mugs on the small table. 

I pull out a chair and plant myself, and neither one of us say anything while the coffee is brewing. He just leans against the counter, his arms folded across his chest, and he’s watching me. 

Me? I’m picking at my nails and trying to ignore the fact that he’s studying me like I was some moldy old rock. Finally he pours coffee into both mugs, sits the pot back on the burner and takes the seat opposite me.

“Okay,” he says, “talk”.

Talk? Just like that. I know what I want to say, I have it all rehearsed. I can do this. I take a deep breath and begin my carefully prepared speech.

“I’m the General, Daniel, *the* General, *the* Man, the person in charge. Nothing should go on in that mountain without my knowledge.” I take a drink of my coffee and continue before he has a chance to say anything. “I can’t make informed command decisions if I don’t have all the facts. Therefore, it’s imperative that when we’re devising a plan, that you, Carter and Teal’c make sure that I’m told everything, no matter how insignificant it may seem.”

I pause a moment and risk a glance in his direction. He’s just sitting there, calmly drinking his coffee and listening to every word I’m saying. Good. That’s good, I have his undivided attention.

“Did it not occur to either you or Carter that Teal’c believing you to be a Gou’ald might be something that should have been addressed *before* we strapped you into that chair and sent you into the simulation?”

“Jack--”

“Ack,” I say, holding up my hand, “still talking here.” Standing up, I continue with my lecture.

“Carter said that I couldn’t be the one to go into the game because of the risk of the game learning from my tactical experience. And I agree with her, however, did it not cross that brilliant mind of yours that maybe, just maybe, that same tactical experience could have been useful to you?”

“Jack.” I hear him say my name softly but I’m on a roll and I refuse to stop. At the moment I don’t want to hear what he has to say, I want him to hear what I have to say. It’s important. Damn important.

“Maybe, just maybe, I could have told you how to avoid getting shot by one of your best friends. Maybe, just maybe, the things *I* have learned over the years could have come in handy.” Somewhere in the back of my brain I realize that I’m getting louder. I also realize that this isn’t what I had prepared to say, but I can’t seem to stop myself. I’m angry, angrier than I thought I was.

“Damnit, Daniel, don’t you understand, I can’t be caught of guard like that? I can’t be put in the position to be shocked by the actions of those under my command. I can’t watch you die needlessly again!” I turn and Daniel is standing right in front of me. When did he do that? I never even noticed he’d stood up. He reaches out and places a hand on my arm and with the other hand he gently pries the coffee cup out of my left hand. I look at my hand and I’m surprised to see that it’s shaking. I stare at my hand and the shaking intensifies. This isn't anger, it's fear. Gut clenching, steal your breath, fear.

Suddenly it’s all too real, the gunfire, the bullets, the blood. Teal’c shooting him. Daniel dead. Images out my worst nightmares assail me, each one a moment from the past when Daniel died. There’s a roaring in my ears and I can feel myself sliding to the floor. Strong arms surround me and ease my descent.

“It’s okay, Jack, it wasn’t real. I’m fine.” I can feel him rubbing his hands up and down my upper arms, I can feel the strength in his strokes. “It was only a game.” My head snaps up at this last statement and I stare at him.

“No, Daniel! It wasn’t just a game.” I try to stand but my legs are refusing to hold me up so I decide that sitting on his kitchen floor is definitely a good plan. “That so called game was perfectly capable of actually killing you. Each time you died, I watched it happening not only on the screen, but I watched you. You, Daniel. I watched as *your* body responded to the effects of that damn chair. I watched as *you* died…again. And every time it happened it put a greater strain on your heart. Hell, Teal’c went into cardiac arrest. His fucking heart stopped beating, Daniel! Does that sound like a game to you?” Daniel mouth falls slightly open and I guess he mustn’t have known about how close we came to losing Teal’c.

“Teal’c’s heart stopped? When? Why didn’t someone tell me?”

I don’t believe this! He’s actually pissed because no one told him about Teal’c yet he still doesn’t get it! Without thinking, I say the first thing that comes to mind.

“Now you know how I felt. Not much fun is it? This difference is that you didn’t have to watch Teal’c die over and over. Real or not, the initial shock felt real, and it produced very real nightmares, for both of us,” 

He rocks back slightly on his heels, and as his does, his hands come away from my arms. He’s about to argue the point but I don’t give him the chance. “Don’t try to deny it, I’ve been witness to too many of your nightmares not to know the signs when I see them and I know that having Teal’c shoot you is just the kind of thing to set them off.” 

I fold my arms across the tops of my knees and rest my head against them. Then I tell Daniel the rest of it.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to watch you die?” My voice sounds tired and defeated even to my ears but I continue without really giving him a chance to answer. “And it doesn’t really matter why you died, the fact of the matter was that you were gone. Killed by the Gou’ald, more than once I might add, by fire, by radiation poisoning but never by someone we both trust.”

“Is that why this is different, Jack? Because it was Teal’c who pulled the trigger?”

I lift my head and see him once again studying me intently. “No, that’s not why. The reason this is different, is that it didn’t have to happen. I could have told you how Teal’c would react to seeing you and you wouldn’t have been caught of guard. Therefore, you never would have blindly called out to him, trusting him to know it was really you.”

“How could you have known how Teal’c would react?”

I look directly into his concerned, inquisitive eyes and tell him what adds fuel to my nightmares. 

“Because I’ve seen him do it before.”

I watch as the confusion plays across his face and then I ask, “Do you remember *me* shooting you in the arm, Daniel?”

He unconsciously rubs the arm in question as he answers. “No, I barely remember anything that happened while I was under Anubis’ influence. You know that.”

“Yes, I do know that. But ya see, I do remember it. I remember how it felt to pull the trigger and watch you go down. I also know that I had no choice. Teal’c would have fired the zat again, he would have killed you if he had to. I saw it in his eyes. He was resigned to the fact that he was going to have to kill you. So ya see, I could have warned you that if Teal’c thought you were a Gou’ald, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill you. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he knows that you would rather be dead than be host to a snake.” I lay my head back on my folded arms and whisper, “I could have helped, Daniel, I just needed to know.”

I’m tired, exhausted really, and I don’t know what else to say to make him understand. I don’t know if he ever will, and my butt is going numb sitting on his floor. I decide that it’s time to get up, whether my legs want to work or not. I look up and Daniel is once again standing in front of me. I accept his outstretched hand and allow him to pull me to my feet.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” I ask, only half paying attention.

“I said I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have told you.”

I stand there as he takes the final step that separates us and wraps his arms around me. My arms automatically follow suit and I lean into his embrace, my face turning toward his neck and my nose seeking out that spot behind his ear and he tilts his head just a touch to allow me better access.

He pulls away much too soon for my liking but before I can protest, his hand travels the length of my arm and his strong fingers entwine with mine as he leads me back to the bedroom, never once losing contact.

“Come on,” he says around a jaw-cracking yawn. “It’s late, or early, depending on how you look at it, and I’m sleepy.”

I smile slightly and follow him quietly into the bedroom. Daniel lies down on the bed and tugs me down beside him. He wraps his arms around me and I lay my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, needing to feel his chest rise and fall with each breath he takes as his foot starts its rocking motion, once again lulling us both to sleep. I hear him yawn and then in a sleepy voice, he says, “I’ll try to never put you in that position again Jack, I promise.” And I know, I really know, Daniel gets it now. There will still be nightmares, of that I have no doubt, but maybe with him holding on to me, they won’t be too bad and I’ll be there to calm him down when the demons from his own psyche decide to visit.

Fin.


End file.
